Playlist: St. Patty's Day Edition

Get up. You look like a sad sack of potatoes sitting in the corner, lumpy, and clutching that beer like your life depends on it. It's St. Patrick's Day and you're seated, which I'm pretty sure is a felony, and if not, at least a misdemeanor. So get up.

"Whiskey in the Jar" - It's very simple. When the chorus comes, rousingly blather, brogue, and end with a celebratory "whiskey in the jar!" Can you do that for me?

"Seven Drunken Nights" - See, you're drunk, I'm drunk, and the song is about being drunk. That's what makes this so good. Of course it's kind of depressing. What would this holiday be but for a subtle undercurrent of misery? Just focus on the refrain. You're drunk. You're drunk, you silly old fool. Still you cannot see. That's a lovely sow that my mother sent to me.

"Mountain Dew" - Can you whistle? Ah, you can. Start whistling. Stop talking. They're not singing about soda. From now on you're only allowed to sing and whistle.

"Rocky Road to Dublin" - You're sitting down again. Get the hell up and start moving. This is the "Rocky Road"—no, it's not about ice cream. Shut up. Start dancing. By the time you hear the fiddle, you'll be halfway to Dublin.

"Drunken Sailor" - Ay, wake up. You passed out a little bit there. Do you know why I'm making you sing and dance? No, that's not why. Stop talking. I'm making you sing and dance because it keeps your energy up to keep drinking, otherwise you'd be sitting miserable in a corner. 

And for Christ's sake, don't sing "Danny Boy." It makes your mother cry.