Post-Apocalytic Pet Care

“You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But, when the Rapture comes, what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind?”

This is the first line on the homepage of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, a site that offers Christians loving, atheist homes for their pets to go to when the Rapture comes and only sinners and, apparently, pets are left.

Millions of Americans believe that in their lifetime Christ will come again, and the souls of the God-fearing will be brought up to heaven, leaving us heathens (and pets) behind. The idea is that Eternal Earth-Bound Pets's "rescuers" are good enough people to be trusted with beloved furry friends, but bad enough people not to get into heaven. While, under ordinary circumstances, a good Christian might not trust a dirty atheist with their family pet, no good Christians will be left on Earth after the Rapture. So, godless or not, atheists can still take care of pets better than the pets can take care of themselves. Or, would be able to if the Rapture ever actually happened.

This is a real website. “The service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract,” according to *Business Weekly*. The “clients” pay creator Bart Centre directly through a PayPal account.

I can't believe I didn't think of this.

It's the perfect money-making scheme—just set up the site and let the money come to you, and you never actually have to do anything. Yes, it is taking money for services promised and never performed, but it’s not a scam, because the only reason the services are never performed is that the circumstances under which they are promised never come to be (assuming, as I do, that there is no Messiah and therefore no Rapture). It’s brilliant.